ule mkoa ulio ibuka Tanzania hivi majuzi umeweka sheria mpya za barabarani, mkuu wamkoa wa magereza bwana dito na kamanda wake wa mkoa bwana Zombe wametia saini kupitisha sheria hizo, baathi ni kama hiyo apo juu.
Saturday, November 18, 2006
Mkoa mpya wa magereza Tanzania
ule mkoa ulio ibuka Tanzania hivi majuzi umeweka sheria mpya za barabarani, mkuu wamkoa wa magereza bwana dito na kamanda wake wa mkoa bwana Zombe wametia saini kupitisha sheria hizo, baathi ni kama hiyo apo juu.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
nafasi za kazi bongo
muliopo ugaibuni rudini bongo kuna nafasi nyeti za kazi, mwingine ndio huyo kajiachisha, mtoto wamjini Dito, naogopa wasije waka m Sadam, ingawaje sadamu hawakumtendea haki
wametuletea kachumbari sasa
mambo yamekucha bongo, kwa huduma za mawasiliano bongo inakuja juu, kama uliondoka miezi michache iliyopita ukija utabaki ukishangaa mambo kiulayaulaya, walitupatia huduma za GPRS kwenye simu zetu tigo na celtel,tigo na maanisha iliyokuwa ikiitwa mobitel tz,tunaweza kupata huduma za internate kwa kutumia simu na zaidi wamekuja jamaa wa kachumbari watembelee uone vinogesho kwa watumiaji wa simu za mikononi.achana na hao wale watafuta vipaji vya fleva za bongo Egidio najua unamkumbuka mkandiaji wa sanaa za bongo sister duu Salama, c ndiyo? watembelee bongo star search, wajamaa wanaponda hawa balaa, wengi wamejuta kushiriki, salama kama kawa anawapa za uso,ina discouradge lakini tutafika. pongezi kwa Master J kwa ushauri unaotoa kwa vijana iyo ndio inatakiwa, big up man!!!!!!!!!
Sii MABUZI tena, sasa ni ATM
Nazungumzia jina jipya kabisa la wanaume wakware maarufu kwa kuhonga zamani wakiitwa mabuzi sasa hivi ATM. ATM ni mashine maalumu za benki za kutumia umeme ambazo hutumika kuchukulia fedha saa yoyote na mahali popote ilipo, ilimradi una akaunti na kadi husika. Nilikuwa kwenye bar moja marufu hapa town na jirani yangu walikaa wanawake wawili wakiwa wanakunywa maji ya chupa kwa muda mrefu. wenyewe wanayaita maji spesho! Kwa mtazamo walionekana mambo yao si ”haba” (wanazo) na maana mavazi yao tu yalikuwa utambulisho kuwa wanapesa. lakini kwa kuwa nilikuwa karibu yao, niliweza kunasa mazungumzo yao kwa urahisi. ”Shoga hapa mimi nina elfu moja tu, tuagize maji ya mia tatu chupa mbili ili ibaki nauli, maana hii ATM yangu isipotokea tumeadhirika”, mwana dada mmoja alimweleza mwenzake.
Mashine ya ATM inayotoa fedha chapchap Nikajiuliza ATM wanayozungumzia hapa ni nini?nikasema leo nitaona mwisho wake.Nikajisogeza karibu yao kwa chat ili kunasa stori zaidi Haikupita nusu saa ilikuja gari moja ndogo na baadaye akashuka jamaa mmoja hivi akuonekana ameshiba sana,hapo ndipo mmoja kati ya wale wakina dada akaruka kwa furaha na kumwambia mwenzake ATM yangu hiyo sasa nina amani. Hapa ndiyo nikapata picha kuwa kumbe ATM inayozungumziwa hapa ni mwanaume! kweli baada ya jamaa kufika na kujiunga kwenye meza yao, meza yao ilibalika na kuwa ya ”heshima”, maana walianza kuagiza bia kwa fujo. Hapa najaribu tu kuwa kumbusha wale ndugu zangu ambao huwa wanajisahau sana kufanya mambo ya msingi na kuishia kuhonga zaidi kuwa sasa wamebatizwa jina jipya kutoka MABUZI na kuwa ATM. bwana egidio wahindi awajakugeuza ATM?
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
MR EBO ALISEMA MBADO HAJAWAI KUONA
self conteiner ndani ni choo cha shimo...mbado! kondoo a
naye rembua!!! mbado!!!!!!! sasa hiyo cha mtoto. umewahi kuona karoti yenye mahips? na bata akimpanda kuku? basi leo ona hiyo!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SABABU ZA TSUNAMI INASEMEKANA NI HAWA APA
KUTOKANA NA UZITO KUPITA KIASI INA SEMEKANA WALICHANGIA KUTOKEA KWA TSUNAMI, JE WEWE UNAUNGA MKONO????
Thursday, September 14, 2006
hii ni zaidi ya mapanki
tulivyoambiwa tunakula mapanki tulikataa na kumlaani hurbet sauper lakini minaona hii ni kashfa mbaya zaidi ya mapanki, mwenzangu unasemaje apo?aliye kuja miaka ya tisini hata amini, miaka kumi ijayo mambo yatakuwaje?
Jamani eh,
Hivi kuna mtu ashawahi kukaa na kufikiri miaka michache ijayo mambo yatakuwaje??? Hebu kwa mfano mwaka 2016 twaweza shuhudia yafuatayo hapa Tanzania:
1) Wakati huo dawa ya ukimwi ishapatikana, mtu unaenda ofisini baada ya kutokuwepo kwa takriban majuma mawili. Bila shida unaongea na bosi wako huku ukimueleza..."Bosi, yaani ka-ukimwi kalinitandika vibaya sana last week" halafu sijui kwa nini mimi kananiandama hivyo.................
2) Bungeni napo tunakuwa na waheshimiwa kama Mr Ebo,
Kingwendu, Bambo na wafananao na hao. Unasikia spika akisema....Mheshimiwa Bambo swali la nyongeza. Bambo, "Mheshimiwa spika pamoja na majibu mazuri ya Waziri wa michezo na utamadun (Chifupa enzi hizo) naombi kuuliza swali hivi kwa nini siku ya fiesta isiwe sherehe ya kitaifa ambapo raisi atatoa mapumziko nchi nzima???
3) Uswahilini nako kama Manzese kutakuwa na maghorofa ya kutisha...Majungu ya akina mama wa apartment zilizo jirani yatakuwa...Hause girl wangu siku hizi hapiki bila kutizama DSTV ili kuona wenzake wa Afrika Kusini wanavyotengeneza masalo. Wewe wako bado anatizama kipindi cha mapishi ya ITV na Clouds TV???? Tv ya Clouds wakati huo kama CNN
4) Nako maofisini itakuwa utata mtupu, haitokuwa jambo la ajabu kuongea na bosi wa kiume huku heleni zinamning'inia masikioni. Na si ajabu akipata taarifa ya ghafla kuwa kampuni yake imepata hasara suruali ikamdondoka manake uvaaji ni ule wa bila mkanda huku ikiwa imeegeshwa chini ya matako (kata-K)"au nusu mlingoti"
5) Ukipita Sinza ndo utatoa macho...watoto wa chekechea wamajipanga kwenye ATM mashines kuchukua pesa ya kununulia lambalamba shuleni kwao. Yaani itakuwa mtafaruku mtupu...Mara mtoto mmoja anamwambia mtoto mwenzie, baba kanidipositia cheki feki, imebaunsi hivyo leo ice cream nitachukua kwa overdraft.
Hivi kuna mtu ashawahi kukaa na kufikiri miaka michache ijayo mambo yatakuwaje??? Hebu kwa mfano mwaka 2016 twaweza shuhudia yafuatayo hapa Tanzania:
1) Wakati huo dawa ya ukimwi ishapatikana, mtu unaenda ofisini baada ya kutokuwepo kwa takriban majuma mawili. Bila shida unaongea na bosi wako huku ukimueleza..."Bosi, yaani ka-ukimwi kalinitandika vibaya sana last week" halafu sijui kwa nini mimi kananiandama hivyo.................
2) Bungeni napo tunakuwa na waheshimiwa kama Mr Ebo,
Kingwendu, Bambo na wafananao na hao. Unasikia spika akisema....Mheshimiwa Bambo swali la nyongeza. Bambo, "Mheshimiwa spika pamoja na majibu mazuri ya Waziri wa michezo na utamadun (Chifupa enzi hizo) naombi kuuliza swali hivi kwa nini siku ya fiesta isiwe sherehe ya kitaifa ambapo raisi atatoa mapumziko nchi nzima???
3) Uswahilini nako kama Manzese kutakuwa na maghorofa ya kutisha...Majungu ya akina mama wa apartment zilizo jirani yatakuwa...Hause girl wangu siku hizi hapiki bila kutizama DSTV ili kuona wenzake wa Afrika Kusini wanavyotengeneza masalo. Wewe wako bado anatizama kipindi cha mapishi ya ITV na Clouds TV???? Tv ya Clouds wakati huo kama CNN
4) Nako maofisini itakuwa utata mtupu, haitokuwa jambo la ajabu kuongea na bosi wa kiume huku heleni zinamning'inia masikioni. Na si ajabu akipata taarifa ya ghafla kuwa kampuni yake imepata hasara suruali ikamdondoka manake uvaaji ni ule wa bila mkanda huku ikiwa imeegeshwa chini ya matako (kata-K)"au nusu mlingoti"
5) Ukipita Sinza ndo utatoa macho...watoto wa chekechea wamajipanga kwenye ATM mashines kuchukua pesa ya kununulia lambalamba shuleni kwao. Yaani itakuwa mtafaruku mtupu...Mara mtoto mmoja anamwambia mtoto mwenzie, baba kanidipositia cheki feki, imebaunsi hivyo leo ice cream nitachukua kwa overdraft.
kikwete akichukua uzoefu kwa maveterani
Atawazee wakikutana mahali awakosi utani, hapo wanaonekana maraisi wastaafu mzee ruksa, ukweli na uwazi na kasi mpya wakibadilishana mawazo, maneno yaliopo chini yasichukuliwe maanani ni utani tu uliopandikizwa.Friday, April 28, 2006
How to ask your Boss for a salary increase..?
One day you send a letter to your boss asking for an increase in your salary!
Dear Bo$$
In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company.
I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.
Your$ $incerely,
The next day, you received this letter of reply:
Oh my dear:
I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet.
NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad.
I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean.
Yours truly
Dear Bo$$
In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company.
I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.
Your$ $incerely,
The next day, you received this letter of reply:
Oh my dear:
I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet.
NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad.
I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean.
Yours truly
Friday, December 16, 2005
UNAJUA CHAKULA NI DAWA? SOMA HAPA
HEADACHE? EAT FISH!
Eat plenty of Fish - Fish oil helps prevent headaches. So does Ginger, which reduces inflammation and pain.
HAY FEVER? EAT YOGURT!
Eat lots of Yogurt before pollen season. Also eat honey from your area (local region) daily.
TO PREVENT STROKE DRINK TEA!
Prevent buildup of fatty deposits on artery walls with regular doses of Tea. (actually, Tea suppresses appetite and keeps the pounds from invading....Green Tea is great for our immune system)!
INSOMNIA (CAN'T SLEEP?) HONEY!
Use Honey as a tranquilizer and sedative.
ASTHMA? EAT ONIONS!!!
Eating onions helps ease constriction of bronchial tubes. (Onion packs place on chest helped the respiratory ailments and actually made breathing better).
ARTHRITIS? EAT FISH, TOO!!
Salmon actually prevent arthritis. (Fish has omega oils, good for our immune system)
UPSET STOMACH? BANANAS - GINGER!!!!!
Bananas will settle an upset stomach. Ginger will cure morning sickness and nausea.
BLADDER INFECTION? DRINK CRANBERRY JUICE!!!!
High-acid cranberry juice controls harmful bacteria.
BONE PROBLEMS? EAT PINEAPPLE!!!
Bone fractures and osteoporosis can be prevented by the manganese in Pineapple.
COLDS? EAT GARLIC!
Clear up that stuffy head with garlic. (remember, garlic lowers cholesterol, too.)
COUGHING? USE RED PEPPERS!!
A substance similar to that found in the cough syrups is found in hot red pepper. Use red (cayenne) pepper with caution-it can irritate your tummy.
BREAST CANCER? EAT WHEAT, BRAN & CABBAGE!!!
Helps to maintain estrogen at healthy levels.
LUNG CANCER? EAT DARK GREEN AND ORANGE VEGGIES!!!
A good antidote is beta carotene, a form of Vitamin A found in dark green and orange vegetables.
ULCERS? EAT CABBAGE ALSO!!!
Cabbage contains chemicals that help heal both gastric and duodenal ulcers.
DIARRHEA? EAT APPLES!
Grate an apple with its skin, let it turn brown and eat it to cure this condition. (Bananas are good for this ailment)
CLOGGED ARTERIES? EAT AVOCADO!
Mono unsaturated fat in avocados lowers cholesterol.
HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE? EAT CELERY AND OLIVE OIL!!!
Olive oil has been shown to lower blood pressure. Celery contains a chemical that lowers pressure too.
BLOOD SUGAR IMBALANCE? EAT BROCCOLI AND PEANUTS!!!
The chromium in broccoli and peanuts helps regulate insulin and blood sugar.
Kiwi: Tiny but mighty. This is a good source of potassium, magnesium, Vitamin E & fiber. It's Vitamin C content is twice that of an orange.
Apple: An apple a day keeps the doctor away? Although an apple has a low Vitamin C content, it has antioxidants & flavonoids which enhances the activity of Vitamin C thereby helping to lower the risks of colon cancer, heart attack & stroke.
Strawberry: Protective fruit. Strawberries have the highest total antioxidant power among major fruits & protects the body from cancer causing, blood vessels clogging free radicals. (Actually, any berry is good for you..they're high in anti-oxidants and they actually keep us young.........Blueberries are the best and very versatile in the health field........they get rid of all the free-radicals that invade our bodies)
Orange: Sweetest medicine. Taking 2 - 4 oranges a day may help keep colds away, lower cholesterol, prevent & dissolve kidney stones as well as lessen the risk of colon cancer.
Watermelon: Coolest Thirst Quencher. Composed of 92% water, it is also packed with a giant dose of glutathione which helps boost our immune system. They are also a key source of lycopene - the cancer fighting oxidant. Other nutrients found in watermelon are Vitamin C & Potassium. (Watermelon also has natural substances [natural SPF sources] that keep our skin healthy, protecting our skin from those darn UV rays)
Guava & Papaya: Top awards for Vitamin C. They are the clear winners for their high Vitamin C content. Guava is also rich in fiber which helps prevent constipation. Papaya is rich in carotene, this is good for your eyes. (Also good for gas and indigestion)
Tomatoes: Very good as a preventative measure for men, keeps those prostrate problems from invading their bodies...R30; GOOD AS MEDICINE.
ALWAYS USE LEFT EAR FOR MOBILE PHONES
As received . . . Save your brain !
Eat plenty of Fish - Fish oil helps prevent headaches. So does Ginger, which reduces inflammation and pain.
HAY FEVER? EAT YOGURT!
Eat lots of Yogurt before pollen season. Also eat honey from your area (local region) daily.
TO PREVENT STROKE DRINK TEA!
Prevent buildup of fatty deposits on artery walls with regular doses of Tea. (actually, Tea suppresses appetite and keeps the pounds from invading....Green Tea is great for our immune system)!
INSOMNIA (CAN'T SLEEP?) HONEY!
Use Honey as a tranquilizer and sedative.
ASTHMA? EAT ONIONS!!!
Eating onions helps ease constriction of bronchial tubes. (Onion packs place on chest helped the respiratory ailments and actually made breathing better).
ARTHRITIS? EAT FISH, TOO!!
Salmon actually prevent arthritis. (Fish has omega oils, good for our immune system)
UPSET STOMACH? BANANAS - GINGER!!!!!
Bananas will settle an upset stomach. Ginger will cure morning sickness and nausea.
BLADDER INFECTION? DRINK CRANBERRY JUICE!!!!
High-acid cranberry juice controls harmful bacteria.
BONE PROBLEMS? EAT PINEAPPLE!!!
Bone fractures and osteoporosis can be prevented by the manganese in Pineapple.
COLDS? EAT GARLIC!
Clear up that stuffy head with garlic. (remember, garlic lowers cholesterol, too.)
COUGHING? USE RED PEPPERS!!
A substance similar to that found in the cough syrups is found in hot red pepper. Use red (cayenne) pepper with caution-it can irritate your tummy.
BREAST CANCER? EAT WHEAT, BRAN & CABBAGE!!!
Helps to maintain estrogen at healthy levels.
LUNG CANCER? EAT DARK GREEN AND ORANGE VEGGIES!!!
A good antidote is beta carotene, a form of Vitamin A found in dark green and orange vegetables.
ULCERS? EAT CABBAGE ALSO!!!
Cabbage contains chemicals that help heal both gastric and duodenal ulcers.
DIARRHEA? EAT APPLES!
Grate an apple with its skin, let it turn brown and eat it to cure this condition. (Bananas are good for this ailment)
CLOGGED ARTERIES? EAT AVOCADO!
Mono unsaturated fat in avocados lowers cholesterol.
HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE? EAT CELERY AND OLIVE OIL!!!
Olive oil has been shown to lower blood pressure. Celery contains a chemical that lowers pressure too.
BLOOD SUGAR IMBALANCE? EAT BROCCOLI AND PEANUTS!!!
The chromium in broccoli and peanuts helps regulate insulin and blood sugar.
Kiwi: Tiny but mighty. This is a good source of potassium, magnesium, Vitamin E & fiber. It's Vitamin C content is twice that of an orange.
Apple: An apple a day keeps the doctor away? Although an apple has a low Vitamin C content, it has antioxidants & flavonoids which enhances the activity of Vitamin C thereby helping to lower the risks of colon cancer, heart attack & stroke.
Strawberry: Protective fruit. Strawberries have the highest total antioxidant power among major fruits & protects the body from cancer causing, blood vessels clogging free radicals. (Actually, any berry is good for you..they're high in anti-oxidants and they actually keep us young.........Blueberries are the best and very versatile in the health field........they get rid of all the free-radicals that invade our bodies)
Orange: Sweetest medicine. Taking 2 - 4 oranges a day may help keep colds away, lower cholesterol, prevent & dissolve kidney stones as well as lessen the risk of colon cancer.
Watermelon: Coolest Thirst Quencher. Composed of 92% water, it is also packed with a giant dose of glutathione which helps boost our immune system. They are also a key source of lycopene - the cancer fighting oxidant. Other nutrients found in watermelon are Vitamin C & Potassium. (Watermelon also has natural substances [natural SPF sources] that keep our skin healthy, protecting our skin from those darn UV rays)
Guava & Papaya: Top awards for Vitamin C. They are the clear winners for their high Vitamin C content. Guava is also rich in fiber which helps prevent constipation. Papaya is rich in carotene, this is good for your eyes. (Also good for gas and indigestion)
Tomatoes: Very good as a preventative measure for men, keeps those prostrate problems from invading their bodies...R30; GOOD AS MEDICINE.
ALWAYS USE LEFT EAR FOR MOBILE PHONES
As received . . . Save your brain !
Sunday, October 30, 2005
check this
"Cash, cheque or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him
legally."
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.
MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Tom and his wife Grace
listened to the instructor,
"It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."
He addressed the man,
"Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Homepride, isn't it?
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton
balls and a ball of string on the
counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, " You see, it's like this,
yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes,
and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling
papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
W O R D S
A husband
read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
" The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS"
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and
see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by
the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of
contests.
God may have created man before woman,
but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
legally."
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.
MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Tom and his wife Grace
listened to the instructor,
"It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."
He addressed the man,
"Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Homepride, isn't it?
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton
balls and a ball of string on the
counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, " You see, it's like this,
yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes,
and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling
papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
W O R D S
A husband
read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
" The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS"
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and
see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by
the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of
contests.
God may have created man before woman,
but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
check this
"Cash, cheque or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him
legally."
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.
MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Tom and his wife Grace
listened to the instructor,
"It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."
He addressed the man,
"Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Homepride, isn't it?
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton
balls and a ball of string on the
counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, " You see, it's like this,
yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes,
and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling
papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
W O R D S
A husband
read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
" The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS"
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and
see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by
the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of
contests.
God may have created man before woman,
but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
legally."
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.
MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Tom and his wife Grace
listened to the instructor,
"It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."
He addressed the man,
"Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Homepride, isn't it?
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton
balls and a ball of string on the
counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, " You see, it's like this,
yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes,
and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling
papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
W O R D S
A husband
read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
" The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS"
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and
see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by
the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of
contests.
God may have created man before woman,
but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
Monday, October 17, 2005
have oral sex at XXX stage show
Two members of the audience attending "the most explicit sex show ever staged in Britain" have reportedly had oral sex in an aisle of the theatre.
Tuesday's opening night at Riverside Studios had already caused controversy for featuring some of the most explicit scenes ever seen on a British stage.
The London Evening Standard reported a man in the audience was given oral sex by one of the actresses, although the company, La Fura Dels Baus, later confirmed the man had been a "plant" who used a prosthesis to fake the sex act.
However, on Wednesday night during the performance a woman, who later gave her name as Mistress Poppy, 33, moved into the aisle and performed a sex act with a man.
After the show she insisted she had no connection with the theatre company and that she was a "professional dominatrix" and porn actress. She said: "I've done this sort of thing before, in porn films and live sex shows, and I would have loved to go up on stage and have full sex there too."
Her sexual partner also denied he was taking part in a pre-planned exercise. The 29-year-old German man, who would only give his name as Michael, said: "Everyone in the audience wanted to do what I did."
A Home Office spokeswoman said: "It does not make a difference if it was a member of the cast or a member of the audience who was involved. Sex in public is an offence."
There were no early departures among the audience, who had paid £25 each, the London Evening Standard reports.
Tuesday's opening night at Riverside Studios had already caused controversy for featuring some of the most explicit scenes ever seen on a British stage.
The London Evening Standard reported a man in the audience was given oral sex by one of the actresses, although the company, La Fura Dels Baus, later confirmed the man had been a "plant" who used a prosthesis to fake the sex act.
However, on Wednesday night during the performance a woman, who later gave her name as Mistress Poppy, 33, moved into the aisle and performed a sex act with a man.
After the show she insisted she had no connection with the theatre company and that she was a "professional dominatrix" and porn actress. She said: "I've done this sort of thing before, in porn films and live sex shows, and I would have loved to go up on stage and have full sex there too."
Her sexual partner also denied he was taking part in a pre-planned exercise. The 29-year-old German man, who would only give his name as Michael, said: "Everyone in the audience wanted to do what I did."
A Home Office spokeswoman said: "It does not make a difference if it was a member of the cast or a member of the audience who was involved. Sex in public is an offence."
There were no early departures among the audience, who had paid £25 each, the London Evening Standard reports.
Teenagers arrested for playing football with human skull
Police in Honduras have arrested three teenagers who were playing football with a human skull.
They had painted the skull black and written lyrics from a pop song on it, reports Terra Noticias Populares.
Police in Tegucigalpa believe the trio stole the skull from a grave after attending a funeral at the local cemetery.
A police spokesman said: "They had no shame in using it to play football."
The youths, two 15-year-olds and an 18-year-old, face charges for desecrating a tomb.
They had painted the skull black and written lyrics from a pop song on it, reports Terra Noticias Populares.
Police in Tegucigalpa believe the trio stole the skull from a grave after attending a funeral at the local cemetery.
A police spokesman said: "They had no shame in using it to play football."
The youths, two 15-year-olds and an 18-year-old, face charges for desecrating a tomb.
Monday, September 26, 2005
hey everyone....
True Friend A girl asked a guy if he thought she was pretty He said, "No She asked him if he would want to be with her forever...and he said, "No She then asked him if she were to leave, would he cry, and once again he replied with a "No She had heard enough. As she walked away, tears streaming down her face the boy grabbed her arm and said You're not pretty, you're beautiful I don't want to be with you forever, I NEED to be with you forever. And I wouldn't cry if you walked away...I'd die..." SO NOW I WILL SAY: I like you because of who you are to me....A true friend and if I don't get this back I'll take the hint Tonight at midnight your true love will realize they like you .Something good will happen to you at 1:00-4:00 PM tomorrow .It could be anywhere -- AOL, Yahoo, outside of school, anywhere. Get ready for the biggest shock of your life. Please send to 15 people in 15 minutes. Remember A good friend will not come bail you out of jail...But a true friend will be sitting next to you saying .... "WE screwed up! Proud to be your Friend!"Make sure you read all the way down to the last sentence, and don't skip ahead. I've learned....That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes. I've learned....That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.I've learned....That money doesn't buy class. I've learned....That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular. I've learned....That the Lord didn't do it all in one day .What makes me think I can? I've learned....That to ignore the facts does not change the facts .I've learned....That the less time I have to work, the more things I get done .To all of you .. Make>>sure you read all the way down to the last sentence.It's National Friendship Week .Show your friends how much you care .Send this to everyone you consider a FRIEND, even if it means sending it back to the person who sent it to you. If it comes back to you then THRU IT.>>
Monday, September 12, 2005
Thursday, September 08, 2005
Birthday -> Colour -> Nature
December 23rd - January 1st Red
January 2nd - January 11th Orange
January 12th - January 24th Yellow
January 25th - February 3 Pink
February 4th - February 8th Blue
February 9th - February 18th Green
February 19th - February 28th Brown
March1st - Match 10th Aqua
March 11 - March 20th Lime
March 21 st Black
March 22 nd - March 31st Purple
April 1st - April 10th Navy
April 11th - April 20th Silver
April 21st - April 30th White
May 2nd - May 14th Blue
May 15th - May 24th Gold
May 25th - June 3rd Cream
June 4th - June13th Gray
June 14 - June 23rd Maroon
June 24th Gray
June 25 - July 4th Red
July 5th - July 14th Orange
July 15th - July 25 th Yellow
July 26th - August 4 th Pink
August 5th - August 13th Blue
August 14th - August 23rd Green
August 24 - September 2nd Brown
September 3rd - September12th Aqua
September 13th - September 22nd Lime
September 23rd Olive
September 24th - October 3rd Purple
October 4th - October 13th Nave
October 14th - October 23rd Silver
October 24 - November 11th White
November 12th - November 21st Gold
November 22nd - December1st Cream
December 2nd - December11th Gray
December 12th - December 21st Maroon
December 22nd Teal
RED
Cute and lovable type, you are picky but always in love ...and liked to be loved. Fresh and cheerful, but can be "moody" at times. Capable with people, nice, soft, and that can love you for the way you are. Likes people that are easy to talk to, and can make you feel comfortable.
CREAM
Competitive and sportive. Don't like losing and always cheerful! You are trustworthy, and very out-going. You choose love carefully, and don't fall in love easily. But once you find the right one, you don't let go for a long long time.
TEAL
You are mostly interested in your looks. And have high standards in picking love. You think and make a solution precisely, and hardly make stupid mistakes. You like to lead, and is easy for you to make new friends.
GREY
You are attractive, and active. You never hide your feelings, and express everything that's inside. But can be selfish at times. You want to be noticed, and don't like to be treated unequally. You can brighten up people's day. You know what to say at the right time, and you have a good sense of humor.
GREEN
You get along well with new people. You are not really a shy person, but sometimes you can hurt people's feelings by your words... You like to be loved and noticed by your lover, but mostly you are single, waiting for the right person.
GOLD
You know what's right and what's wrong. You are cheerful and out going. It's hard for you to find the one you want, but once you find the right person, you won't be able to fall in love again for a long time.
PINK
You are always trying your best in everything, and like to help and care for other people. But you are not easily satisfied. You have negative thoughts, and you look for romantic love like in a fairytale.
YELLOW
You are sweet and innocent. Trusted by many people, and have a strong leadership towards relationships. You make good decision and make the right choice at the right time. And always dreaming of romantic relationship.
MAROON
You are intelligent, and know what's right. You like to take things go your way, which can sometimes cause trouble or not thinking about other people's feelings. But you are patient when it comes to love... Once you get a hold of the right person, it's hard for you to find a better love.
ORANGE
You are responsible for your own actions, and you know how to treat people. You always have goals to reach, and are competitive. When it comes to friendship, you find it hard to trust someone, but once you find the right friend, you trust them for ever.
PURPLE
You are mysterious, never selfish and get interested in things easily. Your day can be sad or happy depending on your mood. You are popular between friends but you can act stupid at times, and forget things easily. You go for person that's trustworthy.
LIME
You are calm, but easily stressed out. You get jealous easily, and complain over little things. You can't get stuck into one thing, but you have a capable personality for everyone to trust you and like you.
SILVER
You are imaginative and shy, but you like trying new things. You like to challenge yourself. You learn things easily, and like "Hard to get". Your love life is normally hard and confusing.
WHITE
You dream and have goals in your life. You get jealous easily and you don't react to things easily. You are different and sometimes thought highly by others.
OLIVE
You are warm and light hearted. You seem to flow well with friends and family. You don't like violence and know what's right. You are kind and cheerful, but don't envy other people easily.
BROWN
You are active and sportive. It's hard for other people to become close with you, but you fall in love easily. But once you find out you can't get something, you give up and let go easily as well.
BLUE
You have low self-esteem, and very picky. You are artistic and like to fall in love, but you let your love pass by, by loving with your mind, not your heart.
NAVY
You are attractive, and love your life. You have a strong feeling towards everything. And very easily distracted. Once you get angry at someone, it's hard for you to forgive them.
AQUA
Your feelings change suddenly and easily. You are always lonely, and like travelling. You are truthful, but listen and believe other people too easily. It's hard to find love for you, and you get lost in love easily. Sometimes you get hurt by love.
BLACK
You are challenging, and have the "guts". But you don't like changes in your life. And once you make a decision, you keep it that way for a long time. Your love life is also challenging, and different.
ORANGE
You are responsible for your own actions, and you know how to treat people. You always have goals to reach, and are competitive. When it comes to friendship, you find it hard to trust someone, but once you find the right friend, you trust them for ever.
January 2nd - January 11th Orange
January 12th - January 24th Yellow
January 25th - February 3 Pink
February 4th - February 8th Blue
February 9th - February 18th Green
February 19th - February 28th Brown
March1st - Match 10th Aqua
March 11 - March 20th Lime
March 21 st Black
March 22 nd - March 31st Purple
April 1st - April 10th Navy
April 11th - April 20th Silver
April 21st - April 30th White
May 2nd - May 14th Blue
May 15th - May 24th Gold
May 25th - June 3rd Cream
June 4th - June13th Gray
June 14 - June 23rd Maroon
June 24th Gray
June 25 - July 4th Red
July 5th - July 14th Orange
July 15th - July 25 th Yellow
July 26th - August 4 th Pink
August 5th - August 13th Blue
August 14th - August 23rd Green
August 24 - September 2nd Brown
September 3rd - September12th Aqua
September 13th - September 22nd Lime
September 23rd Olive
September 24th - October 3rd Purple
October 4th - October 13th Nave
October 14th - October 23rd Silver
October 24 - November 11th White
November 12th - November 21st Gold
November 22nd - December1st Cream
December 2nd - December11th Gray
December 12th - December 21st Maroon
December 22nd Teal
RED
Cute and lovable type, you are picky but always in love ...and liked to be loved. Fresh and cheerful, but can be "moody" at times. Capable with people, nice, soft, and that can love you for the way you are. Likes people that are easy to talk to, and can make you feel comfortable.
CREAM
Competitive and sportive. Don't like losing and always cheerful! You are trustworthy, and very out-going. You choose love carefully, and don't fall in love easily. But once you find the right one, you don't let go for a long long time.
TEAL
You are mostly interested in your looks. And have high standards in picking love. You think and make a solution precisely, and hardly make stupid mistakes. You like to lead, and is easy for you to make new friends.
GREY
You are attractive, and active. You never hide your feelings, and express everything that's inside. But can be selfish at times. You want to be noticed, and don't like to be treated unequally. You can brighten up people's day. You know what to say at the right time, and you have a good sense of humor.
GREEN
You get along well with new people. You are not really a shy person, but sometimes you can hurt people's feelings by your words... You like to be loved and noticed by your lover, but mostly you are single, waiting for the right person.
GOLD
You know what's right and what's wrong. You are cheerful and out going. It's hard for you to find the one you want, but once you find the right person, you won't be able to fall in love again for a long time.
PINK
You are always trying your best in everything, and like to help and care for other people. But you are not easily satisfied. You have negative thoughts, and you look for romantic love like in a fairytale.
YELLOW
You are sweet and innocent. Trusted by many people, and have a strong leadership towards relationships. You make good decision and make the right choice at the right time. And always dreaming of romantic relationship.
MAROON
You are intelligent, and know what's right. You like to take things go your way, which can sometimes cause trouble or not thinking about other people's feelings. But you are patient when it comes to love... Once you get a hold of the right person, it's hard for you to find a better love.
ORANGE
You are responsible for your own actions, and you know how to treat people. You always have goals to reach, and are competitive. When it comes to friendship, you find it hard to trust someone, but once you find the right friend, you trust them for ever.
PURPLE
You are mysterious, never selfish and get interested in things easily. Your day can be sad or happy depending on your mood. You are popular between friends but you can act stupid at times, and forget things easily. You go for person that's trustworthy.
LIME
You are calm, but easily stressed out. You get jealous easily, and complain over little things. You can't get stuck into one thing, but you have a capable personality for everyone to trust you and like you.
SILVER
You are imaginative and shy, but you like trying new things. You like to challenge yourself. You learn things easily, and like "Hard to get". Your love life is normally hard and confusing.
WHITE
You dream and have goals in your life. You get jealous easily and you don't react to things easily. You are different and sometimes thought highly by others.
OLIVE
You are warm and light hearted. You seem to flow well with friends and family. You don't like violence and know what's right. You are kind and cheerful, but don't envy other people easily.
BROWN
You are active and sportive. It's hard for other people to become close with you, but you fall in love easily. But once you find out you can't get something, you give up and let go easily as well.
BLUE
You have low self-esteem, and very picky. You are artistic and like to fall in love, but you let your love pass by, by loving with your mind, not your heart.
NAVY
You are attractive, and love your life. You have a strong feeling towards everything. And very easily distracted. Once you get angry at someone, it's hard for you to forgive them.
AQUA
Your feelings change suddenly and easily. You are always lonely, and like travelling. You are truthful, but listen and believe other people too easily. It's hard to find love for you, and you get lost in love easily. Sometimes you get hurt by love.
BLACK
You are challenging, and have the "guts". But you don't like changes in your life. And once you make a decision, you keep it that way for a long time. Your love life is also challenging, and different.
ORANGE
You are responsible for your own actions, and you know how to treat people. You always have goals to reach, and are competitive. When it comes to friendship, you find it hard to trust someone, but once you find the right friend, you trust them for ever.
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